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Post by Christian Knight on Sept 23, 2017 20:56:52 GMT -5
The Heart's DesireIn the end, it's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years. - Abraham Lincoln
I still visit Grandpa Knight few times a week. He however, now lives in a care home as he is unable to look after himself, and he hasn’t really been the same since Grandma passed away. Today I walk in and the nurses say he isn’t doing very well. He had some sort of infection and he was fading away fast. This could be “it”. I went to his room and immediately sat by his side.
“Hey Pa… I heard you aren’t doing too well. It’s ok, I’m here now.” I say as I hold his frail hand in my hand. He smiles up at me. As I was his only Grandchild, I received all his love. His devotion and wisdom. “Hello Knight… I’m not too bad at the moment, just getting old.” He chuckled, before breaking into a wheezy coughing fit. I hand him a glass of water to try and ease the cough.
“Sip this. Try to relax a little, you’ll be ok pops.” I gently rub his back. He took a sip and eventually the coughing fit died down. He looked at me with a mixture of sadness and love upon his face; he knows he didn’t have long. "Pa, I’m about to have my last match of my Wrestling Career. This is it Pa. After this I’m calling it quits. I’m making it official pops I want you to know that. I’m just scared. I’m not sure if I’ll come out on top. What I’m more scared of is letting this go. Letting this all go behind me. Scared of doing something new. But I guess all that is pales in comparison because right now I’m mostly scared of losing you."
Tears start to run down my cheek; I don’t know what I’d do without him. “Don’t’ cry son, I’ve had a wonderful life and this is where it ends. Before I go, I want to tell you a story." He shows me his bronze star that he had from his military Career and places it in my hand. “Here son, I want you to have this it represents all the qualities that I never really had, but that you have.” “Okay," I wiped away my tears and sit down and relax by his bedside, “I’m ready.” I smile weakly at him.
I can still remember clearly as day. I was looking besides me and in front of me. We were facing each other in the small steel boat. Most of us were just boys. Barely over eighteen. We were all nervous, and I felt like crying. Our General paced up and down between us, handing us guns we looked at them as if they were some strange tool we have never seen before. “ Boys,” he said in his usual guff tone, “that there in your hands is going to take lives and save lives. It is a tool of power; you can wield it bravely or like a coward. But the brave will be rewarded. We are soldiers have no fear!”
Speak for your self, I thought. My palms were sweating and worms were squirming in my stomach. I heard the pilot speak over the intercom. “Approaching Destination in two point five minutes, “ he said, he sound as nervous as us. I could eel the reefs under water scrape against the bottom of the boat. A tear rand down my cheek. I fingered my gun. Who was going to be the first on that beach? Would he be the first to fall? Who was going to win? Who was going to be left on the beach? Would it be me? The person next to me? Or both of us. As I thought of these things I could hear the war drums beat louder. The e bottom of the boat scraped the sand, the red light flashed over us and the hatch dropped.
"The things that happened after that were unspeakable that day, I was the only survivor on that bout and they gave me the bronze star. Me. Out of all the people who sacrificed their lives. They gave me an award. So you see son I do know a thing or two about fear. I can say it with full honestly that was the most fearful day in my life. I didn’t think about the man next to me, or if they’ll live or not, I only thought about myself. So you see, someone else here deserves this medal and as far as I can see what you do, what you accomplished, you have a lot more courage then me that I’ll ever have son."
It’ll be okay, won’t it Pops?” I could feel the tears stinging my eyes and my throat tightening. I don’ want him to go, he’s always been there for me, and I cant’ bear the thought of life without him. Without the man who raised me into the person that I am today. I try to think of one last thing to say, one last thing to ask him before he goes.
He gave me a weak smile; “You’ll be fine son, Remember the Winnie the Pooh quote Grandma used to read to you before you went to bed? I miss her son, and for the life of me I can’t seem to remember it quite that well.” The wheeze becoming more and more obvious.
“If there is ever a tomorrow when we are not together, there is something you must always remember, you are braver the you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart, I’ll always be with you.’ I recite to him. “Remember those words” is the last thing he says as the smile on his face grows as his eyes slowly closes. He then takes his last breath and everything fades to black.
What It Takes
Everyone always underestimates what it takes to be a champion; they just don’t know how hard it can be. It takes hard work. It takes dedication. Countless nights without rest. It takes many hours, many days, many week, and months learning and mastering your chosen profession. It’s a tiring thing, but it’s what’s required if you want to become champion, it’s a required thing if you want to remain the champion. After all, Joey the Bastard, congratulations because you have made it beyond a certain level, and it took you a long time, you put in all the hard work, all the dedication that it took to become a champion, and becoming the champion; well you’ve accomplish that now. You put in the hard work. You spent the countless hours at your chosen craft, and worked your ass off because you know that everybody wants the same thing that you’ve got; they want to be in that same pot. I know that for a fact because I was in the same spot as you Joey. Every time I stepped in that ring, I saw it. I saw it in Beno, who took me to the limits more than any man every in my entire career, I mean I had to put him threw a triple cage to put him down. I saw it in Blade LaVigne, a man that no one ever believed in, that was told by everyone that he would never amount to anything but look at him now the longest reigning champion of all time, even more then me and Shameus. There’s a reason why he was the the final participant of the Elimination Chamber, me and him, the last two remaining members, but every time he got knocked down he kept getting right back up, his will to fight, his will to fight on against all odds in the ring he gave everything he had and he’s made it far because of that. I’ve seen it in the Anarchy; I’ve seen it in everyone involved in the Oppression. I’ve seen it everywhere.
Everybody is hungry. Everybody wants it.
But then I look at you Joey.
When I look at you, I see a man who has it all. He smart, calculated, strong, fast, and he’s determined. A skilled athlete in his own right. He’s got a long resume; a well-documented history of putting it all together when the lights come on, then its time to play. He’s a big match player, a prized fighter. Joey has everything it takes when it come down to it be the champion. He has everything it takes to remain the champion for a long time to come. And here we are at Justice for Some; in one corner we’ll have long time rival and opponent Christian Knight, and on the other side will have Joey the Bastard, reigning champion. Two warriors going to battle over one belt. Two warriors going to war to see who can come out on top, to see who can prove which of the two is the better man. And here’s the thing, when Joey steps in the ring with me. He’s just facing a man. A man who’s made mistakes, who still makes mistakes. I can’t be perfect, no matter how much dedication and time I put into this chosen profession. I can’t see all the angles and that leaves me open for a loss, just like anybody else.
Truth is Joey, You can beat me. You’re more than capable.
Problem is, you lack two things that truly defines what makes a champion. Consistency and Focus.
You’ve heard this before, I’m sure. It’s the biggest flaw you’ve got, after all. For all of your talents, for all of your strength, you’ve just never really been the most consistent man in Thy WWE. The thing is, if you want to retain that title of yours? You have to be consistent. When you look down the history of the greatest champions this company has ever known, consistency has always been the thing that separates the most successful from the footnotes. Shameus? Consistent. He fought every match like it was his last until it eventually was his last. Undertaker Consistent. He was putting down people left, right and center. Before and during his title reigns throughout history. Blade LaVigne? Consistent. Beno? Consistent. Alex Kendall? Consistent. Those people that I mentioned they’ve been the dominant force in this company when they had it and they proved that there was no room for half assing it.
Joey though, your the guy who can only seem to turn it on when you need to. The rest of the time? You’re just...there, like you’re indifferent unless there’s something on the line, unless there’s something in it for you. And you know what? I just described a lot of guys in a lot of locker rooms, none of which has had the opportunities that you’ve gotten and squandered. And honestly? That pisses me off. You’ve gotten so much thrown your way, but you’ve pissed most of it away...but you seem aloof to the fact, putting on this air of confidence that you’re just going to win.
And then you don’t.
Not unless you’re in a match like this, where you can actually get something out of it.
It’s about time you upped your game, Joey.
But you’re already thinking about that, aren’t you? After all, who knows a man’s own failings better than himself? I know that I’ve spent countless nights regretting one wrong move, one bad step and one slip of the tongue. They’ve haunted me, but I’ve risen and overcome. And this is the moment where you shine, as we all know. You’re always your best when you’ve got something to prove, but that leads to the second thing you lack: focus.
How are you supposed to convince anyone that you’re focused on me? How are you supposed to convince anyone that your sole focus, your main desire, is to defend your Championship and defeat me, when you’re too busy trying to do anything but remain the champion? How could you tell me with a straight face that you’re going to be walking out of Justice for Some as the Champion?
Let’s be honest, Joey. Why up until now has it taken you to win the Thy WWE Championship Belt? That’s something I honestly cannot wrap my head around. It all boils down to Focus, one of the key factors that you lack ad so here you are walking into on of your biggest matches of your career as you defend your belt against me. One of your biggest matches. This is your time. You spotlight Joey. You can want it all. You can reach for the stars, but when you’re in the ring with me? You need to put your eyes on target. You’ve been running around, talking and making promises, but you’re so far from fulfilling them despite all of the talent you have. You’re a great man, a great competitor… but nothing is going to change Joey. There is only one unadoptable fact.
I’m going to eat you alive at “Justice for Some”.
You shine brightest when the big match happens, Joey. You shine brighter than anyone else. Stars burn out though. They fizzle. They implode. They die. And while I hope you’ve managed to get your shit together and pull your head out of your ass, I’m walking into Justice for some fully intending to do the one thing that I’ve been focused on since you’ve became champion, the one thing that I have antipated since I knew you and I were facing off: beat your fucking ass and take your title. I know you’ll try your best. You’ll try your hardest. You’ll do everything you can to try and take defend your belt against me.
I just don’t think you’ve got it in you.
What Remains
The biggest losses that I received didn’t wrestler from within a ring, it came with these four loses. I slowly walked past my first loss, Jessica Knight “Faithful Companion,” You still hold a place in my heart Jess, a part of me will always love you. I keep walking, and now I glance at my second loss Samuel Knight “Loyal Brother”. You died To young, I love you brother. Then I pass my third loss Sandra Knight “Loving Grandmother” I miss you too Grandma, I hope you and Grandpa have returned to each others arms. Then I finally pass my fourth loss, James Knight “Honorable Man”. I bow my head in a moment in silence.
Knight places medal on casked talks about how he was family how he took him in and raised him right and now he has a family and that it has come full circle and how he hopes he can be only half the father that he was to him and his new daughter Jessica
"Just like you gave me a home a place now I will provide for my wife I will provide for Jessica give them a life like you gave me a life this is how I will honor you grandpa"
I miss you pa the words muttering out of my mouth as my hands began to tremble. I felt a hand slowly grasp my hand and squeeze it. I turn slowly tears streaming down my face and I see her. She tells me everything will be all right. I feel my mind beginning to take ease and the sadness slowly to fading away.
Jessica I … I don’t know what id do without you. I love you… she just grasps my hand and smiles back saying the same words again… everything will be okay. I thought about this moment, this moment of loss, this moment of comfort.
This moment with Rebecca
Thinking to myself life is precious
Life is short
I have to cherish this moment
I need to cherish every moment as much as I can. I formed a smile and looked ay Rebecca who had a few tears herself stream down her cheek. I squeeze her hand back and then come in for a hug and squeeze her tight. I squeeze her close to me. I lean close to Rebecca ear and whisper to her. Pa sacrificed so much for his family. While I on the other hand have sacrificed so much for this passion I have. I never put my family first it’s always been professional wrestling.
It’s in my blood
It’s all that I Know
When I try to step away it keeps… It just keeps calling me back. It’s a question that comes to every professional athlete…. How do you step away from? Something you love so much…. Knight stares into Rebecca’s eyes and then he looks at Jessica who is quietly asleep in her stroller. I think I may have finally found my answer. I think I've found something that I love more. I’ve found my reason Rebecca and this is it.
After this match …
I …
I just want to spend the rest of my life with you and our daughter
After a moment of comfort we release the embrace we have on each other. The two of us glance down at James Knight Tombstone trying to think of a way to say goodbye. I try to think of one last thing to tell him. I can still remember my favorite moment with him when I was young and I can still remember it clear as day. “This is where you’re at Christian, and this is where you need to be”. He’d place his hand on the floor and then put his hand higher up at the door indicated that I’m at the bottom and that I need to rise up, progress and become a better man. I may not have understood him then but I understand him now. I have become a better man.
He got to see me all the accomplishments in professional wrestling that I’ve made, he’s the man who raised me when my real father couldn’t. There I stood at the tombstone still trying to think of a few last words to say to my pa and I do the one and only thing that I can think of. I get down on my knees by the tombstone and I place my hand on the grass and I begin to speak. Remember when you told me I was here Pa. Remember when you told me I had to rise up, well I have pa. Knight raises his hands to the top of the tombstone. I’m finally here Pa. I’m coming to a close on my professional career in which I’ve accomplished so much pa. I’ve meet the most beautiful and wonderful woman that stands right here next to me and I’m going to marry her. I just wish you could be here to see that happen. I have a daughter; as well her name is Rebecca. I just wish you could be here to see her grow up to see what I’ve created. Pa, I didn’t get what you meant back then, I always thought you were just rambling, but now I see what you meant. You just wanted the best for me.
There was still so much I could have learned from you pa. My eyes start to swell with water, and I know I can’t hold them back any longer, as a few drops seem to escape my eyes as they roll down my cheek. But now I’m here and I need to carry on with the things you’ve taught me, and do the only thing that I can do. Which is to pass on the knowledge that you’ve taught me and bestow it upon my daughter, teach her the way you taught me. Help her to grow into the successful woman that I know that she can grow up to be. One day pa, you’ll be looking down at me smiling. Perhaps even laughing when I’m giving that same speech you used to give to me when I was young, to my daughter, as she probably will roll her eyes up at me. But she’ll learn pa. You’ll see she’ll grow up and be everything that I know she can be. I just hope I can be half as successful with her as you were with me pa. With that he then puts his fingers on his lips and then places them on the tombstone saying one final thing. I love you pa, and I always will. I hope I've made you proud.
Something To Fear
"You are the only real obstacle in your path to a fulfilling life." Les Brown
Joey, come Justice for some, what will you do when your faced with a challenge you have yet not conquered. What will you do when you step in that ring with me and you come face to face with adversity? You see Joey we all have stories on how we’ve all faced adversity in our lives, the difference is what you do to overcome it. You either can do nothing and just give up or you can look at it as an opportunity. You can make excuses or take action. You can see adversity as an obstacle that you have to overcome or you can use it as an excuse to give up or give in. Joey, to me you don’t look like a person that will do nothing. You don’t look like someone that will give up or give in. You’re a person who isn’t afraid of adversity. You look at it as an opportunity as a way of overcoming a challenge, as something that can make your stronger, more determined, better rounded.
It’s not a fear of adversity that holds you back Joey; that holds you back from becoming something much greater, that holds you back from achieving so much more then you already have. But there’s something more to you. Something hidden. Perhaps something damaged, somewhere deep down, maybe someone in you past has told you that you can’t do it, that you won’t amount to anything. Maybe you have something to prove, or someone to prove wrong. Maybe you want to become a better person than the people that you’ve meet in your past, prove them that your worth a damn.
But still, there it will lie, deep in the furthest recession of your brain. That voice. The voice that once told you that you couldn’t do it. Will you listen to that voice? Will you let it take control and consume you? Because once you start to believe in that voice, then you’ll begin to have doubts, and then that’s when you will begin your downfall. The questions will tear you apart Joey. Will you succeed or will you be a failure. Will you fail to capitalize on a big match, on that one big moment in time and capture it all? Will you come so close to winning, for it only to slip from your grasps? To come so close; that you’re only proving those who doubt you that “They were right along”. This may be the one and only time that you hold that title that you hold so dear and close to your heart. The one accolade that you have finally achieved and now you have to hold it like a champion. Show people why you were able to take grasp of that Championship plaque around your waist.
Joey; you see to truly be one of the greats, to be a champion, at least on that counts, you’ll have to maintain a solid grasp of that title that you have their. Keep a hold of it; defeat all challengers who come your way. Show people that in it for the long haul and that the title you hold onto isn’t going away any time soon. Show people that you a legitimate champion. If you want to succeed joey then don’t take no for an answer. When you get knocked down you get back up. You spit in life’s face. You spit in the face of adversity and you tell you that you want some more. You fight, until there isn’t anything left in you to give.
You have to be willing to fight, to go the distance, to rise higher then you’ve ever had before. To dig deeper then you ever have before. Because if you have any hopes of defeating me then that’s what you’ll have to do. You’ll have to go to a place you haven’t been before; you’ll have to find the strength to carry. I can’t count how many times I’ve had to dig deep, to go the distance. It’s what made me a great champion. It’s what made Blade a great champion. It’s what can make you, a great champion. Joey when I look at you, I see a damaged man, someone with a tormented past, someone who’s been threw it all, but with all your flaws, there lies something deep inside you. A fire. A passion. A desire. When I look at you Joey. I see a great champion.
The only person that will hold you back will be yourself. When you step into that ring with me, I won’t be your biggest enemy it’ll be yourself Joey. It’ll be all your doubts, all your fears, and anything else that puts yourself into question on whether or not when Ascension is upon us if you emerge a winner and continue as the reigning champion or whether or not a new champion will be crowned again. Will you fail, and succumb to your fears, to your doubts; or will you rise up to the challenge and ascend to a new level, become the true champion that we all know you can become. You have it in you, we all now you have it in you to accomplish this, but the question is Joey, Do you?
A New Beginning
I take a good long look at our daughter. She was growing so fast. She was two now, almost three. Already learning how to talk. Her eyes sparkled green just like her mothers. “Dada”. Hearing her speak those words had me almost had me choked up. “Don’t go dada”. I could feel so much of me not wanting to go. So much of me desired to just say screw it all, to just stay here for my daughter. But if I stayed this chapter of my life would feel incomplete. I wouldn’t find closure to my professional career if I didn’t do this. I had to do this. Had to fully commit to it. I just didn’t want to do it at the cost of losing my family, sacrificing them for a career that demanded you to be constantly on the road and always away from your family. I just couldn’t do that.
I kiss Jessica on the cheek and tell her “Don’t worry sweetie, daddy won’t be long, I’ll be back before you know it, I look at the sadness in her eyes as she watches me head towards the door with Rebecca. I take a glance at the baby sitter, whom I’ve already instructed and informed her about the duties she needed to do while we were gone. Rebecca give me a sad look, almost in the same that Jessica gave me a few moments earlier but she doesn’t say anything, it almost seems worse that she doesn’t say anything to me as we head towards the Nissan. I take a moment before we head inside the car and take a look back at the house. I think of all the memories that I missed because of my chosen profession. Think of all the ones that I would miss if I were to continue on my chosen profession. Then I think of all the ones that will come after I’m finished. All the new memories that will bear fruit after this last match. The one’s that I can create with Rebecca. With Jessica. I shake myself from my thoughts and I get inside the Nissan with Rebecca. She starts the car and I glance at the house once more as we head off to the airport.
Heading to the airport, Rebecca was driving the Nissan Sentra. Most of the ride was a quite ride. I suppose Rebecca’s reason of being quiet is that she didn’t want to see me go. I can feel her emotion seeping threw her body. Emanating off of her. This was it wasn’t it. That’s all I could think of as we head off towards the SeaTac Airport. I thought to myself, this is it, after this I’ll begin my new life; I’ll have a fresh new start. A new chapter yet to be told. Part of me was excited that I was going off again. The excitement of the crowd. The sweat and perspiration that came from the hard work and dedication it took to win matches, to rise to the top and make a name for yourself in the business that is professional wrestling. The fire you felt from other competitors, and desire you had within yourself to competitive with these individuals to see if you had what it took to beat them or not. It was all exciting. But the other part of me was more excited about something else. A new life. A life where it was just Rebecca, our daughter Jessica, and me. A life where our daughter gets to grow up knowing her father. A life where I got to do the things with Rebecca that I never had the chance before. Perhaps the next time we headed to the airport it wouldn’t be for her to see me off. Perhaps next time it would be for us to get to France, Spain, or even Italy. Either way I was ready for this. Ready to finish this once and for all.
Finally at the airport now, Rebecca parked the car. She turned of the ignition, and we both unbuckled and got out of the car. She still seemed a little down as she locked the car up and started to head to the terminal now. She was silent the whole walk there. Finally though there we were at the baggage check now, Rebecca and me. She was there to support me and to see me off. This was something that she had to endure time and time again. But this would be the final time that she would have to do that. One final flight, one final check in, check out, take off, and landing. One final hotel booking, and one final match. This is it had to be it. Everything about this just seemed final. Win or lose, I’m not sure if it really mattered to me at this moment. All I could think of was her and our life and what lied ahead for our futures. That this was it. Finally it’s our turn now as the lady in crisp cut uniform greets us and we give her my luggage, which isn’t much. Just enough to get me threw a couple of nights. She takes it and tags it. We then start to head towards the security line where the two of us will have to part ways, much like we have had to do in the past. But this time it feels different. It feels almost like I’m about to cross the finish line, almost like I’m at peace. At peace with the idea of putting this life behind me and for once putting my family first. Putt Rebecca and our daughter Jessica First. This is where my journey will come to an end after this match. It fills me with sadness and joy.
Jessica stares as me with a worried look, " You flight leaves soon will this be the last time you leave." We have a life now its time to move on."
I stare into her into her forest green eyes. I looked at that same sadness I always had to bear whenever I left to catch a flight, or a bus. That same look I had to bear before heading out match after match. Night after Night. Every time I left it it tore me up inside, made me question myself. Question what I was doing with my life, with myself. This was the woman I loved, the one I adored, and wanted to spend my life was, yet here I was again. That same look, the same feeling, doing the same thing. She was going to be my life now and she had to know it. So I stared back at here with a confident look, and formed a smile on my face to reassure her. Then I brushed my hand on her cheek, as I spoke to her.
" Your right but let me have this last moment. This last match let me have it as a way of saying good by to all the fans I have, to all the people in back, to my brother in arms when I go threw those curtains it’ll be my final tribute to my fans it’ll be my way of saying good by to my life that I had and when all the dust settles and I walk back threw those curtains I’ll be to go on to the next chapter of my life, my life with you, my life with Jessica. I’m make them proud, ima make you proud and I’m make grandpa proud."
Jessica looks back up with me, a smile forming on her face, "you already have."
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